Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episodes 25 & 26 - Act III

WARNING! This post contains explicit content.  It is advised not to proceed unless you are an adult and you really, really mean it.  If you don't want to take me seriously, fine.  But I cannot be responsible for any offense.

I've worked my way up to this point, so let's see what else makes this nothing but bull-fuck.  Remember that scene I asked you to remember from four episodes ago?

And now this happens!  Her books!  Her precious books!  The ones that had sentimental meaning to them!  The Daring Do collection!  All of them are gone!  When Meghan McCarthy took away Twilight's library, she took away her books!  It's like saying what Celestia said back in the very first episode, that it's time for her to get her muzzle out of those dusty old books and take some regal authority!  What, were you trying to change that personality about Twilight like the bronies were afraid would happen at the end of Season 3?!  Look, I can understand trolling bronies and possibly wanting to piss them off because they love the show so much, but... THIS?!  Well, if your tweets are trolling, this is raping them with a fucking chainsaw!

Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episodes 25 & 26 - Act II

WARNING! This post contains explicit content.  It is advised not to proceed unless you are an adult and you really, really mean it.  If you don't want to take me seriously, fine.  But I cannot be responsible for any offense.

So once Discord finally caught on that his ex-friends had been using him right from Day 1, he goes back to his evil ways (yay) and rounds up all the straggling unicorns to put in the meat grinder.  Or rather, have the big, bad Lord Tirek quite literally magically appear for his next feast.

This whole thing is just as believable as the "love and tolerate" that bronies spew from their lying shit-ass pie holes!  Now there's way more things wrong with this and pretty much everything I've pointed out so far, but even with this hell of a review, I can't go on it forever.  So to move on, we find out that Tirek apparently gains enough strength to go after the Pegasus race and the earth ponies, stripping them of their flight and strength respectively.

Sound like some fan-made villain here?  Eh, it's just a coincidence.  Get over it.  Besides, even that villain was better than this shit!

With all three pony races incapacitated, it pretty much means no weather, no harvesting, no magic, no nothing.  Now how the fuck does that work?  Is nothing natural in Equestria?  Am I honestly expected to believe that magic is needed to raise the sun and moon when clearly our fucking planet rotates around the sun and the moon rotates around our fucking planet?!  It's bad enough that this show has no logic, but the way Tirek keeps up with his scheme, assuming the bat-shit crazy logic of Equestria still applies, eventually he's gonna have nothing left to rule over, except a barren wasteland.  Think about it.  Without anything, all the ponies would die eventually and he can't manipulate them to do his bidding.  All he would be left with is his own power and greed with nothing else.  How nonsensical is that?

I also recall that the Everfree Forest seems to be the one thing that actually has the proper logic of nature applied.  Back in the episode "Bridle Gossip", it's mentioned that plants grow on their own and animals fend and forage for themselves, clouds move on their own (seriously, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash have the gall to say that's unnatural?), and the fact that Zecora lives there spooked the fuck out of the Ponyville denizens.  With the Everfree Forest bending to nature being considered scary, that also just has no rhyme or reason.  You know what I think?  When the writers decided to apply Equestrian logic, I don't think they thought everything through, especially coming up with bull-fuck like this.  I know this series is meant for kids, but it just seems to be testing what little intelligence these writers think they have.  Kids learn about the fucking solar system in their early years of school and our planet is NOT the center of the fucking universe!  Does the staff honestly care so little and think kids are stupid enough not to care about Equestria's insane logic and they throw any nonsensical shit at them and get away with it?  I don't think it's our place to underestimate the intelligence of a child and worse, if bronies aren't fazed by this apparent lack of logic and aren't questioning it like I am, it means that this series has more or less suckered them in, yanking them by their penises on a hook, and taken away half their brains.  Then again, that would explain their behaviors on fan forums and such, especially seeing that they're most likely willing to hump any material that's considered pony.

Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episodes 25 & 26 - Act I

WARNING! This post contains explicit content.  It is advised not to proceed unless you are an adult and you really, really mean it.  If you don't want to take me seriously, fine.  But I cannot be responsible for any offense.

So Twilight wants to find her purpose in life because she's a princess without a title.  Oh yeah, I'm sure what kind of destiny those God-awful bronies want for her.

Fortunately, we don't get that.  So what's next?  A musical number to tell us that Twilight's bummed, which we already know, and have the other three princesses assure her that she'll have a role soon enough?

And that's not necessarily saying that it's a problem or anything.  ...Well, the entire Season 4 finale is one big problem unto itself, but this song isn't God-awful or anything.  It's just pointless.  And I'll get to why that is in a bit.  But first, the horrible plot rears it's ugly head.

I should point out that the G1 version of Scorpan was a friend of Spike from G1 and Tirek's servant, corrupted into working for him.  Tirek had threatened Scorpan that he would behead Spike otherwise.  Kind of dark, yes... but a much more interesting plot, even if it is the blackmail cliche.

Also, Scorpan's true form was a human prince!  Hmph... Tirek and Scorpan brothers in G4...  What a load.

Okay, so Tirek has apparently been out of Tartarus ever since the events of the Season 2 episode "It's About Time", gradually recovering his strength overtime.  So if he wants all the Equestrian magic for himself, and he keeps growing in size and strength with each helping, adding on that any unicorn who tries to fight back would have its magic sucked out of its semen like a vacuum cleaner, that would make him unstoppable.  Hell, he's as good as already!  What have you done, Meghan McCarthy?!  What have you done?!  A one-sided power-hungry bloodthirsty villain?!  That's turning him into a fucking Mary sue!!  No, I'm fucking serious!!  Tirek is a fucking God-awful Mary sue!!  Since when did the staff decide they wanted the bad guys to win in their own show?

So do you now get why that musical number was entirely pointless?  All three other princesses clearly said that Twilight would 'get her chance', as it were, but when opportunity knocks, Celestia decides to send Discord to do her dirty work instead.  This in turn just made that whole song completely pointless.  See what the problem is here, people?

It seems that Discord suggests that the answers Twilight seeks are connected to that... chest thingy with six locks.  And... I'm sorry to keep straying from the story like this, but I just have to throw this in.

But anyways, Discord had apparently been keeping track of the progresses of the Mane 6, still selfish and conceited, except for Fluttershy.  So the Mane 6 all take a trip to the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, hoping to do an extensive research on that box thingy, everything but look in Discord's book because they believe he wasn't being helpful.

Oh yeah, it doesn't take an absent-minded mentally disabled nutzo with half a brain to figure out where this is going.  So as you can imagine, Discord decides to screw this thing called friendship because he didn't exactly have it to begin with and decides to join Tirek in his selfish conquest for... freedom, as he puts it.  I hope they win.

The Triumphant Return of BIONICLE

Happy New Year!  I'm sure some of you people have heard that the renowned LEGO series, BIONICLE, has returned and its entire franchise has been rebooted and starting from scratch with a brand new story line.  Today, the first sets have been released to kick off the new year.

Six elemental heroes have arrived on Okoto to find the Masks of Power and protect the island from a rising evil known as the Lord of Skull Spiders.  Where will this new story take us?  Only time will tell...

The Thunder on Adam "Galaxy Star" Smith

The first brony suicide I've heard of.  Do I still call bronies perverts and pedophiles?  Of course I do!  I'm an anti-brony!  But I don't target individuals, especially if they have social problems.

The Thunder Discusses Phineas and Ferb: "Christmas Vacation"

Hey, guys.  I didn't originally intend to discuss anything from the Phineas and Ferb Season 2 episode "Christmas Vacation", but seeing as it's close to the holiday season and I'm pretty much in a good mood as of now, I think I'll chip in my two cents on this holiday classic.  Now like my discussion of "Night of the Living Pharmacists", this isn't much of a review so much as pointing out a few things and nitpicking here and there.

First off, I'm willing to bet this is now considered an underrated holiday classic that not many people will pay attention to, which is fair enough considering that Disney Channel now has Gravity Falls.  But I should mention the most important part of this classic that Dan and Swampy focused on.  This is in fact a Christmas special that is meant to fixate on the appreciation of Santa Claus and everything he does for children all over the world.  I don't care if Santa Claus actually doesn't exist for two reasons.  One, he does exist in this special.  And two... well... just humor me, will ya?  I can't think of any other Christmas special that actually has anything relating to showing appreciation to Santa Claus.  This 2009 should-be timeless classic is really the only Christmas cartoon, maybe the only Christmas special that spells "Santa appreciation".  Hell, the last song in the episode is called "Thank You Santa"!  How much more appreciative of jolly old Saint Nick can you get?

So in the special, the two stepbrothers feel that Santa Claus deserves to be appreciated for all the great things he does and being able to fly around the world in one night, assuming he leaves prior to noon on Christmas Eve in order to start with Japan.  They rally not only their friends, but everyone in Danville, to help turn their city into a gigantic thank you card.  But trouble brews when Dr. Doofenshmirtz activates his Naughty-inator and enshrouds Danville in a dark cloud of naughtiness in the hopes that Santa will skip it and cancel Christmas for the residents.  However, it turns out that Santa rigged and planned everything to not only grant everyone's Christmas wish, including giving Phineas a chance to be like him, but to actually spend a little more time at Phineas and Ferb's house.  Apparently the boys had built him an exotic rest stop and Santa just couldn't pass up the offer.  How did he know all this?  He's Santa Claus!

Phineas gets the chance to play the role as Santa by doing a Danville run with his friends using a specially-built sleigh and flying around the city, delivering gifts with the help of Blay'n and Clewn't, two of Santa's elves.  After the Naughty-inator gets short-circuited by a loud Christmas carol, Danville is no longer branded naughty, but of course Santa had already left the North Pole, possibly hours ago assuming he tackles Japan first.  So like I said, everyone gets their Christmas wishes fulfilled and things work out in the end.

Now it's time for some personal nitpicking.  First, there's Candace.  I'm well aware that her character was supposed to be created as a stereotypical hyperactive teenage girl, but I think she has problems in this episode.  For starters, she thinks her younger brothers are at the point where they should have outgrown Santa Claus and for some reason thinks he doesn't exist.  Well, if only she decided to accompany them to the roof after she helped out with saving Christmas for the children of Danville.  Then there's things between her and Jeremy.  She seems to be trying a little too hard to get her boyfriend a really great gift.  Even Jeremy knows she's trying too hard.  I know the holidays can be stressful, but perhaps Candace's behavior is a bit much.

Now, if you can grasp that, it would make for a very heart-wrenching scene, even coming from her.

And of course, Candace has never been too keen about Phineas and Ferb's summer antics, so she assumes that not only they might have been the cause of the entire city being branded naughty, but also thinks that their Santa appreciation efforts were also considered naughty.  Tough love.  But Clewn't summarizes what really defines generally naughty.

Take Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes for example.  I consider Calvin to be a genuinely naughty person.  But since Santa doesn't really exist in that comic, he still gets presents because Christmas is about the gift of giving.  That and his parents are always like "Oh, what the hell, it's Christmas".

And speaking of naughty, I'm gonna guess Buford making the naughty list is more of a joke because he's supposed to portray your typical schoolyard bully.  The reason is because this episode reveals that all he really wants for Christmas is to be thought of as nice by his friends.  Now how can a genuinely naughty kid ask for that?  Like I said, Buford being deemed naughty seems more like an episode joke than anything.

So that was my take on "Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation"... and I watch it every year.  Does it have problems?  Of course.  Is it the greatest Christmas special?  Probably not, but it should be considered an original Christmas special because of its theme.  And it's mainly because of the theme that I think it still shouldn't be overlooked, assuming it is in exchange for Gravity Falls and anything else on T.V. nowadays.  If I was Doofenshmirtz, I'd say "Curse you, Spongebob and My Little Pony!"  So feel free to check out this classic, which I'm sure is still airing on Disney Channel and Disney XD this holiday season for the sixth year in a row.  Like with many other Christmas specials, it has its moments and this one is at least worth watching.  This is The Thunder, signing off.  Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episode 24

WARNING!  From this point onward, the following reviews will consist of using EXTREME profanity.  It is advised not to proceed past this point unless you are 21 years of age or older.  Profanity will be used to express personal opinions only, so there can be no one responsible if anyone is immensely offended because you have been warned.  If you can handle large quantities of profanity and you're ready to proceed, by all means do so, but of course at your own risk.

"I used to wonder what friendship could be; until I surpassed those who first showed it to me."

- Russet Burbanks, Fanfiction.net

Holy Fuck-turds!  How the hell is this possible?!  The unbeatable Wonderbolts, the fucking Mary-Sues who always win...

...did not take the gold this time?!  Okay, I'm convinced.  I'm reviewing this episode so I can find out just exactly how those cheeky, arrogant, invincible flyers representing fucking Cloudsdale only took home the silver... even if Ponyville surpassed them by a slim margin.  What the fuck happened?

Well, as it turns out, there was all this hype built up for the Equestria Games and it turns out that not only is it one episode, but it's more of a Spike episode instead of showing most of the actual games.  I'm not sure if it's because Dave Polsky wrote this episode or if Meghan McCarthy edited the story so that the games themselves get more of a backseat.  I wonder how the bronies reacted.

So upon arriving at the Crystal Empire, Spike is whisked away by a couple of guards and brought to Princess Cadance.

Crystal Guard: A thousand pardons, O Great and Honorable Spike the Brave and Glorious.

Spike: Huh? Who the what now?

Yeah, when did this happen?

Okay, so this is technically the second time Spike has visited the Crystal Empire because we all know he was pet-sitting in the episode "Games Ponies Play" and no thanks to Corey Powell's writing, he didn't do a good job.  Apparently because Spike is technically the hero who saved the Crystal Empire, he's receiving praise and special treatment.  So... what did he do again?

Ah, yes.  That.  Wonder if it was worth Twilight fretting over her test.

So let me get this straight.  Twilight seems to be okay with Spike basking in praise and special treatment and talking like Barbra Streisand, but she doesn't seem to be keen about his fetish for Rarity?  I don't how to feel about that.

Spike is asked to light the torch at the Equestria Games opening ceremony and he seems to be all for it.  But then when he steps into the arena, he realizes that he has to do it in front of every single denizen in Equestria!  What a chore!

Even the entire Equestrian royalty is here, including Prince Blueblood and the two rulers of Saddle Arabia!  So as you can imagine, poor Spike is a bundle of nerves.  And it doesn't help that Ms. Harshwhinny doesn't give two fucks.

What a cunt.

Ms. Harshwhinny: [stomps hoof] This is the signal! [stomps hoof] I'm giving you the signal now! Mr. the Dragon!

My God, you bitch!  You fucking cunt!!!

Ms. Harshwhinny: Mr. the Dragon! Would you light the torch already?!

FUCK YOU, BITCH!!

Spike: I don't know what it is, but I just don't have the stuff today! Did you bring a match?

Ms. Harshwhinny: You're a fire-breathing dragon.

And I bet you talk that way to even autistic children.  You'd sure make a terrible mother, you fucking cunt.

Spike: [coughs] [raspy] Then some cough drops, maybe?

Ms. Harshwhinny: [growls]

Spike: Nevermind. I'll keep trying.

Look!  Even Luna doesn't care!  Prince Blueblood at least noticed something was up!  Yeah, Prince Blueblood cares more than Luna!  What kind of sick fuck episode is this?!  What have you done, Dave Polsky?!  What have you done?!

Well, just as Cadance sends for help, Twilight secretly casts a magic spell to light the torch instantly and of course, everyone thinks that Spike did it.  And of course when Twilight tells him what really happened, he's utterly crushed.

I scorn you, Dave Polsky.  I scorn you.

Now to this episode's credit, it does at least show us the Cutie Mark Crusaders' performance carrying the flag to represent Ponyville and the aerial relay event, which previous episodes did focus on.

Also, I'm gonna guess that maybe someone found out that Twilight lit the torch because the unicorns have to walk through some kind of force field vortex thingy that disables their magic for the remainder of the games.

And of course, no surprise, Spitfire beats Rainbow Dash in the relay, even if it's by a hair, putting Cloudsdale in the lead.

Spike shoots for a chance at redemption by offering to sing Ponyville's anthem, but because Clousdale is currently in the lead, their anthem plays instead.  And since Spike doesn't know those lyrics, he totally botches up.

Dave Polsky strikes again, making sure that these child characters always get the receiving end of the butt-monkey trope.

Spike is now so dejected, he attempts to pack his things and leave early, even opting to stay out of sight until the games are over.  But luckily, Twilight comes to talk some sense into him.

Okay, I don't care what the circumstance is, and I can understand that Twilight wants to snap Spike out of his funk because he's constantly browbeating himself, but did she really have to be that firm with him?  Really?!  Let's go back a few clicks.  First, Spike wasn't able to light the torch, so Twilight had to fess up that she did it, making him feel crummy enough.  Second, Spike believed he humiliated himself in front of all of Equestria by fucking up the Clousdale anthem and isn't up to facing the spectators again.  I get that he probably needs to be snapped out of what he's going through and face himself.  But considering what had happened to him previously in this episode?  What the fucking hell, Twilight?!  That was practically emotionally forced!  Now let's see this again with yet another...

Ah, heck.  I'm gonna go for Round 2.

So the final event is ice archery and without a Ponyville player, Rainbow Dash has to count on Cloudsdale botching up for Ponyville to even have a shot at taking first place.  Really?  Cloudsdale?  Botch up?  Fat chance.

So just when you think that you're sick and tired of Mary-sues taking over everything, one pony accidentally fires off an ice arrow into the sky and it hits a cloud, turning it into ice and causing it to fall, threatening to crush the arena.  Uh-oh!  Better call Supermare!

Again, why don't we get Superman?  He could easily push the giant ice cloud safely out of the way!  Instead, we get Spike, who somehow musters up his courage and finally gets his fire breath going.

HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!

So yes, Spike saves the Crystal Empire a second time, but wouldn't you know it?  He's still wallowing in self-doubt!  My God, get over it!  Can't you see all is forgiven?!  Well, because it's up to Spike to get over his own self-doubt, Cadance offers him the chance to light the closing ceremony fireworks, which she was supposed to do.

And now, here's the shocker.  For real.  Since the Ponyville team somehow acquired the most amount of medals in the end, one more than Cloudsdale to be precise, Ponyville wins the Equestria Games of 2014!

And Spike successfully sets off the fireworks, bringing the games to a close as well as this episode.  So... what did I think?

Yep.  Pretty bad.  Awful.  I'd say it's probably up there with one of the worst episodes of Season 4 along with "Leap of Faith", but mainly because of all the butt-hurt that Spike goes through as well as just Ms. Harshwhinny and not because we don't see much of the games themselves.  Ms. Harshwhinny is pretty bad, definitely one of the worst characters in the series, and for even Twilight to have one really bad moment in this episode?  That alone pissed me off.  I don't care if Spike was acting pathetic.  He was having a bad day!  And Twilight came this close to kicking him while he was down.  And for no one to even notice much less care?  That's like bad parenthood right there.  But hey, at least those cocky Wonderbolts finally got their horses' asses handed to them when Ponyville ousted them and Cloudsdale for the gold!  Nice going!

However, I still hope that one day soon, Dave Polsky will be personally ashamed for writing this piece of junk for an episode.  Spike gets butt-hurt, Ms. Harshwhinny is harsh (shut up about her name), and even Twilight is bad in that one scene.  One day, Dave Polsky...  One day.

Well...  You all know what's coming next time.  The big one.  The Season 4 finale.  And I'm not looking forward to it one little bit.  But... I have to review it... even if it destroys the shit out of me.  No turning back now.  Wish me luck.