Thursday, September 4, 2014

Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episode 10

WARNING!  From this point onward, the following reviews will consist of using heavy profanity.  It is advised not to proceed past this point unless you are 18 years of age or older.  Profanity will be used to express personal opinions only, so there can be no one responsible if anyone is greatly offended because you have been warned.  If you can handle profanity and you're ready to proceed, by all means do so.

"I used to wonder what friendship could be; until I surpassed those who first showed it to me."

- Russet Burbanks,

Hey guys, remember back when Rainbow Dash nearly revoked her dreams of becoming a Wonderbolt because her philosophy was supposedly nothing like theirs?

Well, what if instead of joining the Wonderbolts, Rainbow could form her own elite flying squad, in which she grants anyone the chance to prove worthiness, train hard, be masters of the weather as a bonus, and never leave an ailing member behind no matter what?  And they could be called... the Rainbolts!

That would be fucking sweet!  But instead, we get the episode "Rainbow Falls".

Yeah, this is the episode that pretty much teaches you that even if you're not at your best, as long as you have heart and morality, you're just fine.  While these qualities do have the spirits of true champions, sadly in the real world, there's probably no place for people who think this way.  I know it's a bit harsh to address this to kids, but to be honest, it might be better if they learn much sooner that life is gonna be hard for them.  And that's why they go to school to begin with!  To prepare for the real world and whatever it is these kids wanna do!  So let's take a look at see just why the lessons in this episode just don't seem to apply in real life, hence this fucking series being a made-up cartoon to begin with.

We open with Rainbow Dash training Ponyville's aerial relay team to qualify for the Equestria Games.  For some reason, the other members are Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps, who you may remember from the episodes "Hurricane Fluttershy" and "Wonderbolts Academy".

Now while we're on the subject of Bulk Biceps, for some crazy reason, some bronies just didn't like that name, but for selfish reasons.  They wanted to think their own fan-made name 'Snowflake' should be canon and they also thought that no mother would name their son 'Bulk Biceps'.  Fucking what the hell?!  This is a fucking cartoon!  No one is gonna bring up all the mothers of the world, so there's no concern about picking names out of a hat or anything.

I made this meme to address those stupid, stupid bronies.  In fact, I happen to like the name 'Bulk Biceps' myself.

As for Fluttershy, I'm well aware that she's probably a much stronger flyer as of "Hurricane Fluttershy", but really?  Why would Fluttershy want to compete in the Equestria Games?  I can understand that maybe she wants to get over her fear of being in front of large crowds, but come on!  She's been more of a wuss as the episodes went on, and you'll see this again in a few more episodes.  But I suppose if she's okay with delivering a small speech to all of Ponyville to honor Applejack saving the town, maybe that's one good reason she might be okay with others watching her performances.

And it looks like Rainbow's other friends are offering their support as well...  Or rather, at least they think they're helping.  Applejack has baked goods while Rarity has fashionable clothes for the team.  And Pinkie... she's a cheerleader, but she only seems to come up with 'gimme a P' for something something.

So the Mane 6 along with Bulk Biceps take a train to the Rainbow Falls area where we see all the competitors, ponies and griffons, working out to prepare for the Equestria Games.  While Rainbow seems to have more than what it takes, her team members aren't doing so hot, which is odd because Bulk Biceps seemed to be flying okay in "Wonderbolts Academy" and here, he can barely stay in the air.  His large size and tiny wings were never taken into account until now!  What, is this done so that we can just assume Ponyville isn't gonna qualify and then be utterly surprised or not surprised that Ponyville will qualify?  Either way, the only thing that impresses me here is that Rainbow at least shows that she gives others a chance to be awesome.  I mean, just listen to what these other ponies have to say because the Wonderbolts themselves enlist in the Equestria Games every single goddamn year.
Crescent Moon: Oh, the Wonderbolts!
Sprinkle Medley: I hear they're flying for Cloudsdale.
Orange Swirl: Then Cloudsdale will definitely qualify. They're the best flyers ever

Rainbow Dash: [sighs] I guess some ponies do.
Twilight Sparkle: Some ponies do what?
Rainbow Dash: [sighs] Have a better chance of qualifying and going to the Equestria Games than others.

This is literally the same doubt Rainbow Dash expressed at the academy in Season 3.  Okay, so the Wonderbolts are supposed to be the best of the best.  Yeah, I get that.  But in this episode, they're like fucking Mary sues!  If they compete in the Equestria Games every year and win gold medals every year because they're the Wonderbolts and no one can beat them, then what's the point of even trying to compete in these Equestria Games?!  Hell, what's the point of even hosting them if any pony who wants to prove his or her best in sports, gets everything stolen away by the Wonderbolts?!  Personally, that's exactly like saying this line.

If these Wonderbolts are always undefeated, why bother to compete in these games, much less even have them every year?  It just doesn't add up in my eyes.

So the plot of the episode kicks off when Soarin', voiced by Matt Hill...
...gets distracted by cheerleaders, causing him to clip his wing and take a nasty fall, but is saved by Rainbow Dash.  So Soarin' is taken to the hospital video to recuperate...

Odd.  But then the Wonderbolts, namely Fleetfoot, voiced by Andrea Libman, offer Rainbow a chance to train alongside them until Soarin' recovers.  Now this is clearly the opportunity of a lifetime for Rainbow, but she gets torn between this and her loyalty to Ponyville.  It doesn't help that the Wonderbolts in this episode are revealed to be selfish champions, thinking lowly of others.  Yeah, you think Rainbow Dash lets success get to her head?  Get a load of these blasted bozos!
What, did Spitfire learn nothing from "Wonderbolts Academy", despite mentioning it in this episode?  Boy, the staff just loves to fuck around with the continuity!

So Rainbow finds a loophole by training with both teams back to back, but leave it to the always suspecting always snoopy Twilight to figure her out.  Ultimately, while she tells Rainbow to keep in mind what she would be leaving behind from bailing out on Ponyville's team, this is a decision she has to make on her own.  Personally, I would go for whatever it takes to fulfill my dream at any cost.

Unable to cope with all the pressure raining down on her, Rainbow feigns being injured and is placed in the hospital.
While her friends come to visit her, Fluttershy reveals that they found a replacement flyer to take over.

Hey, it's our favorite wall-eyed muffin munching mare!  That's right, this episode confirmed to all of us that Derpy is back to being a background character instead of just having simple cameos, even after her Season 2 incident.

But of course, Twilight suspects that Rainbow is faking her injuries, so she reminds him that not choosing isn't  a good option either.  Way to make things easier for Rainbow Dash, bitch.
But eventually, Rainbow sees that Soarin' is also in the hospital and he reveals that despite recovering, the blunder-bolts kicked him off their team because they believed he wouldn't be 100% up to snuff.  Well, damn.  That's just wrong, isn't it?

So now Rainbow learns that her so-called heroes are in fact selfish jerks who only care about victory.  Heh... I guess it's like I said before with things in this world.

With that said, it becomes clear to Rainbow where her loyalties truly lie... with some help from that rainbow spark of course.

Back with the others, they're obviously doubtful that Fluttershy, Bulk Biceps, and even Derpy lack the potent to qualify.

Pinkie Pie: Gah! What am I gonna do with all these now?!

"Rainbow pom-poms!  Wheeeeeeee!!"

But then...

You fucking nut!  Now you acknowledged that Rainbow taught you something at the academy and you didn't remember it here and now?!

So Soarin' is allowed back on the team because even the best of the best have their flaws, Rainbow is commended for calling out the blunder-bolts, no one gets punished (Seriously, the officials couldn't just disqualify Cloudsdale for dishonor?  This was kind of a very big deal here, you know.), and Ponyville's aerial relay team qualifies for the Equestria Games by a fraction of a second.  And let's not forget that Rainbow obtains her key for all her effort and trouble.  Two down, four to go.

*sigh* I can say that this episode is at least mediocre for the most part, but to be honest, I think the lesson learned is completely backwards.  People may appreciate that you put your heart into whatever it is you do and you fight for what you believe in, but in this unforgiving world, if your talent, skill, and effort is off by just one margin of a point...

This has proven to be the true colors of the Wonderbolts due to their apparent undying thirst for victory year after fucking year, unlike Rainbow who sometimes dances with ego yet cares for her friends at the same time (this is why "The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well" sucked so badly), so while it's obvious that Rainbow can teach them this... can thank one of my college instructors, da Wiener, for teaching me otherwise, that even dropping the ball once can cost you everything.  Come-bucket...

I guess this means I can relate to Seto Kaiba from the original Yu-Gi-Oh! anime series.  In the same way that Kaiba duels solely to prove that he's the best duelist in the world and deserves to be champion, I do my work to prove that I can have a spot in this world.  ...And also because I enjoy my work, but I still want to prove myself even more.  Again, blame that instructor I mentioned for that.

And again, what's the point of these Equestria Games if the Wonderbolts always compete and are always reigning champions?

Besides making these blunder-bolts fucking Mary sues, it can also be a dead giveaway that something unexpected will happen and that these reigning championships will eventually be bested.  Either way, this sucks.  Why couldn't these annual Equestria Games championships vary more, besides those motherfucking Wonderbolts?

Then maybe these Equestria Games would be somewhat more interesting to follow, because we would have less of an idea of whose team would take home the gold.  Instead, we're led to believe it'll either be Cloudsdale or Ponyville, two easy guesses that make for no surprise and no interest whatsoever... even fourteen episodes later when these goddamn games FINALLY get under way.

Although, this episode does get credit for bringing Derpy back and reassuring fans that she survived that incident we probably never had to worry about to begin with.
Nevertheless, I am ending this review on this unhappy note.

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