Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episode 12

WARNING!  From this point onward, the following reviews will consist of using EXTREME profanity.  It is advised not to proceed past this point unless you are 21 years of age or older.  Profanity will be used to express personal opinions only, so there can be no one responsible if anyone is immensely offended because you have been warned.  If you can handle large quantities of profanity and you're ready to proceed, by all means do so, but of course at your own risk.

This is the episode "Pinkie Pride" and I am not looking forward to reviewing this shit-stinker.  And I know what you're probably thinking.  "Oh, The Thunder, you're so rotten!  How can you not like this episode?  It's got six songs and guest star 'Weird Al' Yankovic!  What's wrong with you?"  Of course only a brony would say that because bronies just love to enforce their opinions on us, don't they?  Anyways, I don't take issues with Weird Al or even the songs... well, a couple of them stood out as good and the others didn't make sense, but that's beside the point!  I'll tell you exactly why I despise this episode and (dare I say it?) consider it one of the worst episodes I've ever seen.  And written by Amy Keating Rogers?  What.  A.  Shame.

So we open in Appleloosa where a party is in session and we're introduced to this poncho-wearing spaghetti-western curly-haired stallion named Cheese Sandwich, voiced by the one and only "Weird Al" Yankovic.  Is he the one who threw that party?  Then why does he look so serious?  Maybe he's a ponified Clint Eastwood.

Okayyyy...  That was weird.

Anyways, it looks like Ponyville is Cheese's next stop because there's a party already warming up.  And of course, our dear friend Pinkie Pie is planning it!  Yep, she's not only the top party pony in Ponyville, but also seems to be the only party planner in Ponyville.  Keep this in mind, folks.



So after that song, we learn that apparently Pinkie only makes throwing parties look like a cakewalk and she's in fact very serious about giving Rainbow the biggest bash ever.  Just like Cheese a second ago.

And that's when Cheese Sandwich enters the scene and not only that, we learn that it's Rainbow Dash's birthday, which also happens to be the same day she moved from Cloudsdale to Ponyville.  So... your moving day was also your birthday?  Mm... okay.  I'm good with that.

Rarity: Good heavens, Rainbow Dash. It's your "birth-iversary"!

Hey, shouldn't that be Pinkie's job to come up with words like that?  I mean, she did say "nervicited" in the first Equestria Girls movie.

Cheese Sandwich offers to throw the... "birth-iversary" party, so Rainbow Dash suggests that both he and Pinkie do the honors to... well, you say it, Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash: ...making this party epic!

What she said.

And Pinkie's all for it!  I guess she could use a partner in partying.  One can do the birthday and one can do the anniversary.  Perfect!  This should make it all the more fun and maybe Pinkie could even gain a significant other since they seem to have a lot in common--

Wait, what?
Rainbow Dash: C'mon, everypony! Let's party down with Cheese!
Fluttershy: You're really a certified party pony?

Applejack: Yeah. You sure did come on the right day.

Rarity: [sighs] Your party sounds simply divine.

Twilight Sparkle: We're so lucky to have you here.
Oh God, please tell me this is a joke!  PLEASE tell me this a joke!  No... fucking... way!


*sigh* Yes, people.  This is really happening.  One musical number is all it takes for every single "fuck you" denizen in Ponyville to suddenly go from "Yay, Pinkie is our number one party planner" to "Oh, fuck Pinkie.  We got a new party planner who's even better!"  Seriously, if that doesn't hurt someone's feelings, I don't know what does.  Boy, this cartoon just loves to represent the American society, doesn't it?

I mean, just humor me and think about this, will ya?  Pinkie's been around in Ponyville since she was a little filly and was taken in by the Cake family.  So one can only imagine how long she's been throwing parties.
But then we get Cheese Sandwich.  Two minutes in, he throws a musical number and then all of a sudden... how many goddamn denizens in Ponyvile suddenly decide he's their new number one?!

Isn't that like saying...

People, if you can't see anything wrong with this, get your heads reexamined and screwed on properly.  ...Unless of course, you're a brony, in which case you could probably care less about the details and just wanna see these fucking equines do whatever the hell they want.

I mean, if this keeps up, can you imagine the outcome of the next Pinkie party?

Now I may have questioned this before in my last review, but just how the heck are these Americans able to do songs when Daniel Ingram is the one coming up with lyrics and such?  It obviously means that the excuse we got for Tara Strong not being able to provide Twilight Sparkle's singing voice due to residing in America really isn't a solid enough explanation.

Speaking of Twilight, to her credit, she does go and check on Pinkie to ask if she wants to help throw the party, but of course she refuses, seeing as Cheese Fucking Sandwich already seems to have it in the bag, and she sends Twilight away.  And again, I know what you're thinking.  "But The Thunder, you don't understand.  If Pinkie had just told Twilight or even Rainbow Dash that her feelings were hurt, this could have been solved much sooner, so blame Pinkie."

Yeah, it's not that simple.  You see, if Twilight and those other fucking cunts were really Pinkie's friends, they would have been able to tell right from the very beginning... on their own, I might add.  But no, they're like...
Rarity: I must say I marvel at your superior party planning expertise, Cheese Sandwich. [giggles]
Applejack: Well, they don't call him the super duper party planner for nothin'. 

Rainbow Dash: Totally awesome!
Applejack: Huh. Best I've ever seen.
Twilight Sparkle: I can't believe it!

Yeah, this is like saying...

In fact, this gets so bad, that Pinkie actually believes she's not even cut out to throw parties!  Fucking what?!  Hell, she even sings about how bad her life has suddenly become and decides to retire!

Who's this gal?

Oh, so Pinkie has a third sister named Maud Pie.  But... where was she in Pinkie's flashback of the episode "The Cutie Mark Chronicles"?  Adding characters like this in gives us pretty much the same problems as when Shining Armor and Princess Cadance were added to the series.  That problem being, where the hell was this character then?

But enough getting sidetracked.  I've got a bigger evil to cover here.  So after Pinkie tries other stuff besides parties and not getting anywhere, she decided to try one last time to resume control of the... "birth-iversary" party.

Pinkie Pie: Freeze, Cheese! I challenge you... to a goof off!

Cheese Sandwich: This Cheese has stood alone a long time, Pinkie Pie.
Twilight Sparkle: All right, everypony. According to my official goof off rulebook...

Rainbow Dash: She actually has a goof off rulebook?

Spike: Are you kidding? Twilight can find a rulebook for everything!

Pinkie Pie: I was born ready!

Cheese Sandwich: I was ready before I was born!

What the fuck, Cheese?  Just what were you doing inside your mother's womb anyway?!
So their goof-off begins and let me tell you...  It has by far the trippiest song in the entire series!  Just listen and I dare you to keep up with it.

See what I mean?  This song is going so fucking fast, you might as well play this in the background instead!

This goes on and on until Rainbow's excitement wears off after she's blasted from Cheese's party tank and subsequently crushed by a giant pinata.

So as you can imagine, Pinkie concedes defeat and allows Cheese to replace her as the new party pony.  And wouldn't you know it?  NOW Rainbow Dash realizes that not having Pinkie involved in all this doesn't feel right.

And that's when we see our beloved Pinkie Pie preparing to move away from Ponyville!  The situation has gotten SO fucking bad that Pinkie just assumes that Cheese has taken over her entire life and feels unwanted!  Those FUCKING cunts have really done it this time!

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie, wait!
Rainbow Dash: I'm sorry I got all swept away by Cheese Sandwich.

Twilight Sparkle: We all are.
Rest of main cast: [general agreement]

Spike: [sighs] Sorry, Pinkie.
Fuck you, Spike!  I'm not even letting you off the hook for this!  What you and the others did was THAT bad!  ...Even though you had only one line of dialogue earlier...  You're still bad!

Pinkie Pie: No. I'm sorry I let my pride get in the way of you having the best birth-iversary ever.

Pinkie, are you fucked?!  Your friends allowed themselves to give you a bath in the dust and you're the one who's sorry?  Pay them back!  Give 'em hell!  They did this to you three times in Season 1 alone!  God, these cunts are worse than I thought!

Rainbow Dash: But don't you get it? You're both super duper party ponies. Sure, Cheese Sandwich is a great guest party pony, but you're Ponyville's permanent party pony. Nopony could ever take your place, and we could never have a party without you.

Because the final bomb is about to drop here and now when Cheese Sandwich not only tells the truth about his past, but explains the whole reason behind wanting to throw the party by himself.

Cheese Sandwich: I never meant to take your place in Ponyville. I just wanted to show you what a great party pony I am, Pinkie.

Wait, what?

Pinkie Pie: Why me? 

Yeah, why her?

So... all this time, Cheese was trying to impress Pinkie?  Because he looked up to her when they were both young?  ...I never knew that until I actually saw the episode...  Huh... fancy that.





Okay, Amy Keating Rogers, that's it!  You think you and Jayson Thiessen can sugarcoat this episode after all you put Pinkie through when you wrote this?!  Think again!  I'm not falling for this!

Look, I understand what Cheese Sandwich was trying to prove and accomplish.  Yeah, I get that.  But really?!  Did he really have to lie about his past?!  Why couldn't he just have told his story right from the very beginning?!  What, was he afraid that Ponyville wouldn't take him seriously or something?  I would still take Cheese seriously!  Just think about it.  This quiet, anti-social colt suddenly bursts out of his shell and becomes this major party pony, thanks to being inspired by Pinkie Pie.  Isn't that like an inspiring story that has the potent to give something to the series?!  Cheese could be like "Well, I wasn't always like this" and everyone would be "You weren't?!  Oh please!  Tell us your story!"  Ponyville would be thrilled!  They would even see Pinkie as this role model who can inspire others to make others smile or whatever!  And that would make Pinkie all the more special!  And surely Cheese would still be able to have a shot to prove himself!  In fact, why couldn't Amy Keating Rogers have written an episode about that?!  It would have been awesome!  And it certainly wouldn't have been half-assed like this piece of shit!  Really, staff?  You're talented people, I'm sure, so surely you can come up with something better than what we have!  Are the only episodes you can come up with these plots that fuck the beginning of each one in the ass?!  You do this so many times it's officially become a cliche!  And I'm sick of it!

Let me tell you something, writers!  Maybe you all need to learn to keep track of everything you've ever done so far in past episodes and take them thoroughly into consideration before you write new episodes.  Forget those moronic bronies and just write a good and decent episode about a plot that doesn't screw up the beginning because it's predictable and have something that can give something to the series, not just create a new character that does that for the episode.  All you staff members ever do is pour all your effort into the animation as you're not even giving two shits about each and every plot, which is THE most essential part of any fictional media.
You can have superior animation, you can have complex and colorful characters, but without a decent story, it's all just half-assed with little to no effort put into it!  Maybe you all should just reconsider your way of writing this goddamn series if for some reason pleasing the bronies is all that ever crosses your minds, especially when you're trying to represent what the series should be focusing on and by having your characters always consider what's really important and everything in between!

So... *sigh* ...after Cheese explains everything and...

Rainbow Dash: Enough with the warm fuzzy stuff, you two.

Way to interrupt a would-be cute couple's touching moment, airhead.

The party resumes, hosted by both Pinkie and Cheese this time around and while Cheese takes the liberty of turning Ponyville into Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, we get the sixth and last song in this episode.  FINALLY, it's about time to wrap this up.  I don't know how much more of this nonsensical garbage I can take...

Ho... ly... GOD!!!!  This has got to be, without a doubt, undeniably, the absolute most, the BEST moment in the entire episode!!  Fuck everything else, this is solid gold!  Who would have thought that a terrible episode can make such a really good song so... so...
Cheese Sandwich: Epic?

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, it is!
There is just... nothing this song can't say for me.  It's everything good when an episode is just so bad, you don't know if it can possibly get any worse.  And then, a pleasant surprise hits you when things look at their worst!  That doesn't come around often, so you can bet your anus that I'm gonna be milking this song for all it's worth!  Hell, I don't think I even need to go any further with this review... and to be honest, there isn't much after this song anyway!

Okay, besides that.  So Cheese Sandwich hits the road, meaning Pinkie Pie is here to stay.  I guess to be fair, Ponyville might not have fully realized that Cheese is a traveling party pony and only came because he sensed the... "birth-iversary".  But still... can you imagine if Pinkie actually had moved away and then the time came for Cheese to leave and hit the next town?

Yeah, Ponyville would not only be minus Pinkie the Party Planner, but...
...would realize all too late their sorry mistakes.  And I mean the most anus-raping, cock-sucking, ball-shitting mistakes they can ever make.
Although... heh... it might be interesting in a way to see how they would react.  Whatever teaches them a lesson in spades, as I see it.

In fact, before I forget, this episode can easily be compared to that episode from Spongebob Squarepants, "The Original Fry Cook".  And to be honest, it's pretty creepy how many similarities they share.

  • This guy called Jim was the original fry cook before Spongebob was hired.
  • Jim is revealed to be way better at his job than Spongebob when he temporarily returns for some nostalgia.
  • Try as he might, Spongebob just can't match up to Jim's skills.
  • When Jim receives praise, Spongebob gets upset and considers quitting his job until Jim tells Spongebob the reason he left the Krusty Krabs - because he never once got a pay raise due to Mr. Krabs' insatiable greed for money.
  • But of course, Spongebob kind of deserves to be overshadowed because he's an idiot.
But yeah, that was "Pinkie Pride" and I have to say it was practically nothing but a big smack in my balls!  Shutting Pinkie out was mean and rotten, Twilight asking if Pinkie wanted to help throw the party made it worse, and it took far too long for Pinkie's friends to realize their vagina-raping mistakes!  If they caught on a split-second later, Pinkie would have been gone from their lives forever!
It's like when they sacrificed the Elements of Harmony, they gave up a part of their personalities!  Pinkie's been thrown under the bus far too many times in the series when clearly she should be given more credit than for just her happy-go-lucky demeanor.  Cheese hurt her feelings.  And yes, bronies, Pinkie does have a heart and she isn't always happy 24/7, so shut the fuck up about what she does two episodes later!

Even the credits don't hold water because it plays an instrumental of that trippy-ass "Goof Off" song!  This is definitely one of the worst episodes I had to sit through!  However, the song "Make a Wish" is in fact the saving grace that prevents it from being a cartoon catastrophe to the human eyes.  In fact, there's an extended version of this song on iTunes as part of the second soundtrack to the series.  So I say screw the episode, but for Christ's sake, listen to the extended version of "Make a Wish", truly one of the best songs ever written for the series.  Thank you, Daniel Ingram!  Thank you!  And Shannon Chan-Kent... I love you.

This is The Thunder signing off... and when your birthday comes, make a wish!!

Oh, and one more thing.  Here's an extra-added bonus for all the trouble.  It's one of those PMVs on YouTube.  This one is done by the user Pinkkdroid.

You know, if they became a couple and actually had a foal, maybe then we'd have a pony born to party for real.

Oh well...  Bye.

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