Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episode 8

WARNING!  From this point onward, the following reviews will consist of using heavy profanity.  It is advised not to proceed past this point unless you are 18 years of age or older.  Profanity will be used to express personal opinions only, so there can be no one responsible if anyone is greatly offended because you have been warned.  If you can handle profanity and you're ready to proceed, by all means do so.

"I used to wonder what friendship could be; until I surpassed those who first showed it to me."

- Russet Burbanks,

Well, it looks I got another episode on my hands.  And while I found it to be relatively half-decent at most, there's more or less a lot of things I disagree with.  And these things may not be what you think.  Allow me to show you this moronic episode and you'll see what I mean.  This is "Rarity Takes Manehattan".

First off, we have Spike carrying Rarity's luggage and I couldn't help but notice the look on Twilight's face when Rarity uses her feminine charm to ask Spike to carry another load.

You have to wonder... is it really too much for Rarity to use her magic and levitate her own belongings?  I should think that any unicorn can levitate a good amount of luggage without breaking a sweat, so Rarity must be afraid of getting so much as one drop of sweat on her lovely white coat.

But enough of that.  Rarity and her friends arrive in the glorious metropolis of Manehattan, this being the first episode that takes place in it.  And we kick off with... what else?  A musical number.

And here's the first thing I disagree with.  The contents of this song.  Don't get me wrong.  It's a good song and it's always nice to hear Rarity sing.  And we get a voice cameo from Daniel Ingram himself.  But first of all, we should know these episodes by now, so that means there's gonna be a twist that bites whatever it is we hear early right in the back and it practically defeats the whole purpose of even having these scenes and songs to begin with!  And second, I know you're gonna hate me with a passion for this, but kindness and generosity does not work in this cruel, dark, and unforgiving world.  People only look for one thing, and that's talent.  Nothing but talent and skill.  Fuck kindness.  Fuck generosity.  Use these traits and people will take advantage of you, as you'll see later in the episode.  Maybe this is why Rarity hasn't found a spouse yet.

So we also learn that Rarity booked her friends tickets to see the upcoming musical "Hinny of the Hills", which is obviously gonna be an off-screen thing and couldn't possibly have any significance to the plot whatsoever.  After all, it's Fashion Week and Rarity is eager to show off her latest designs.
That's when we're introduced to the hitch, Suri Polomare (voiced by Tabitha St. Germain, who else?), who is apparently an old acquaintance of Rarity from the Ponyville Knitters' League (don't ask, just go with it) and revealed to be a backstabber.  Because Rarity graciously lends Suri some of her fabric and she uses it to create practically an exact replica of Rarity's fashion line.
And because Rarity is always last in line, Suri Polomare gets to show it all off first.  That's when we learn the awful truth and how the world really works.  Take it away, Suri.

Now call me rotten and unloving, but Suri Polomare represents the one thing I agree with in this episode.  If you're kind and generous to others, you may think it will be rewarding in the long run, but the cold, harsh truth is that people will almost always take advantage of you.

It makes perfect sense, it describes the way the world works perfectly, it's the sad, but God-awful truth...

...this is the way the world works.  Every person for himself or herself.  It's something I have to remember and utilize as I prepare to step out into the real world.  While kindness and generosity can earn friendships, it may be a lie.  And you'd be surprised that as a person, I wouldn't be willing to take that chance.  And besides, who got anywhere in life being completely honest anyway?  Sometimes we have to take risks.
Besides, as far as I know, only Disney movies have actual justice to things like this, such as Dillinger getting sacked in the movie Tron.
And for Christ's sake, do you recall what happened in the Season 1 episode "Suited for Success"?  Rarity's friends took advantage of her generosity by pushing her to her limit!  Okay, so it was Season 1 and friendships were still going through phases, but that's beside the point.

Okay, so maybe Suri Polomare is a jerk and maybe we love to hate her, but know this.  She is in the right.

So Twilight's friends discover Rarity's dilemma and they agree to help her bail her out by creating a new fashion line from scratch.  And get this.  Rarity takes a page from Suri's book and pushes her friends to their limit, despite their sowing not being as excellent as hers.

Good job, Rarity!  You finally figured it out after all these years!  The only way to survive in the real world is to be selfish, think only of yourself, put yourself first and foremost, be your own number one, and of course never let others take advantage of you by throwing away your precious generosity.  It just gets you nowhere.  And to think...
That sarcasm is just music to my ears.  If you never know friendship is magic, you never try.  Take it away, NC!

So Rarity shows off her new line, Hotel Chic, and it seems to surpass Suri's fashion line, so while off-screen Suri plots behind Rarity's back to cheat her way to the top.
But Rarity notices her friends are absent and initially believes she droves them away.  That's when we're introduced to a new kind of spark that ultimately gives away the contents of that mystery box.

Rarity abandons the contest and goes looking for her friends but is given false information that they returned to Ponyville, so she laments with a reprise of that song from before.  It didn't have any meaning then, and it doesn't now.

But by chance, Rarity bumps into her friends at the reception desk.  It turns out that the reason they didn't show up for her fashion show was because they overslept.  That's a new one.  And here's something I probably didn't expect, but given her performance in the last episode, probably should have.  Applejack again proves that she's just... well... horrible.

You know, Rarity's friends weren't being too kind themselves back in Season 1 when she was trying her damnedest to make the dresses like they envisioned and they turned into a fucking disaster!  Why don't they just consider Rarity's bad behavior this time as paying them back in spades?  I'm sure they deserved it.

So Rarity is told that she lost the competition, but being reunited with her friends lifts her spirits and they all go to see "Hinny of the Hills".

Suri Polomare: And that is how it's done. Pretty clever how I convinced her to stay away from Prim, wasn't it? [chuckles] Wouldn't have wanted her to find out the truth now, would we?

Why are these kinds of things constantly revealed to the audience?!  Now it's obvious that Suri Polomare is scheming!  What, did the staff think the kids watching this wouldn't be smart enough to figure it out already or learn it as a "surprise" later on?!  What the fucking hell?!  Young girls aren't stupid, Hasbro!  Use your heads, you fucking morons!!

After the musical, the Mane 6 are joined by Suri Polomare's assistant, Coco Pommel, who reveals the truth about everything, which we obviously could have figured it out because apparently Hasbro likes giving the game away to the audience early (those fucking spoilsports).  Suri lied.  Suri lied about everything.  Apparently, she was hoping that when Rarity ran off, the judges would consider it a forfeit, but since that wasn't the case, she had roped Coco Pommel into doing her dirty deeds.  So Coco then reveals that she had finally mustered up the courage to somehow quit working for Suri when she could have been made her slave, but it's all good because Rarity offers her a new job...  You figure that one out.

So as it turns out, Rarity won the competition and ends up having to stay in Manehattan for a while longer, which we also never see because the episode ends with her back at the Carousel Boutique, adding Coco's gift to her collection.

This episode ended up revealing to us the first of six keys required to open the mystery chest.  And the rainbow spark obviously gave away that inside is none other than the Rainbow Power.  How do we know this?
Because it was revealed to us early in the toy lines!
That and the next Equestria Girls movie is titled "Rainbow Rocks", which would obviously take place after Season 4, when the Rainbow Power is used for the first time.

So that was "Rarity Takes Manehattan", and while it's not a genuinely bad episode, I'm just not prepared to soak it in, especially that cheap-ass lesson learned in the end.

That's the stupidest lesson I've ever heard!  Why would anyone not want to stop being kind and generous if they're not given anything in return and are only taken advantage of it?!  It makes no sense!  If people stiff you, doesn't that teach you through experience not to be friendly because it could happen again and you wouldn't be willing to take that chance?  Sure, if you work hard and show that to others, they'll be thankful and maybe kind in return, but I'm just saying it's no good to thrive off kindness and generosity.

Hell, do you know what happened to Brenner from Advance Wars: Days of Ruin when he refused to give up in seeing the good in humanity?  He got fucking killed off!

Not to mention, we never see Suri Polomare again after Coco Pommel sold her out, so we don't know if she learned her lesson or if she's able to live with herself for stiffing Rarity.  Hell, she doesn't even show up for the rest of the season!  Maybe she became so unlikeable that we didn't even care what happened, I dunno.  But know this...

You can say what you want about me, you can threaten me, you can send me to the doghouse, and you can argue with me as many times as you like... and maybe things weren't always like that, like maybe back in the 90s... but for me, even though she lied about everything back there...
And that's all there is to it.

And let that be a long-lasting tribute to the pony who properly prepares kids for just how hard life is going to be when they grow up.  Remember, folks.  I still suffer to review this series so you don't have to.  Also... kindness and generosity doesn't pay...  Well... sort of, I guess.

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