Picking Apart "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", Season 4 Episode 5

It's my 400th post.  And it's a pity now because what it will represent is gonna suck.

WARNING!  From this point onward, the following reviews will consist of using EXTREME profanity.  It is advised not to proceed past this point unless you are 21 years of age or older.  Profanity will be used to express personal opinions only, so there can be no one responsible if anyone is immensely offended because you have been warned.  If you can handle large quantities of profanity and you're ready to proceed, by all means do so, but of course at your own risk.

So there I was, wrapping up my final project for my 3D Visual Effects art school class, having finished rendering almost 300 high definition images using 15 different computers to get the job done on time.  Definitely not my best and cleanest work, but a project completed nevertheless.  One night later, I treat myself to another strange episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic...  The bizarre Season 4, that is.

Well, as far as what I've heard about this episode, it turns out when I finally did see it for myself, I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

...It was WORSE.

That's right, bronies and pegasisters.  This episode wasn't just bad.  In my personal opinion, it's one of the worst episodes in the entire series.  Why?  Because of two critical factors that make life itself even harder than it already is to fucking live with and fucking deal with.

First and foremost, the racism returns, as if it wasn't bad enough starting in Season 1, and now it hits an all time low in this Season 4 episode.

God fucking damn it!  Fucking racism!  I fucking hate fucking racism!  Why the fuck is it in a kids' show?!  Are the fucking staff members all fucking high?!

And second...

Ms. Harshwhinny: Professionalism, Ms. Dash. I must insist. If you want to keep your job as coach of these ponies, you must maintain a professional attitude and keep your emotions in check! Am I making myself absolutely, one hundred percent crystal clear?

Rainbow Dash: Yes, Ms. Harshwhinny. Y'know, "professionalism" is my middle name. Rainbow Professionalism Dash.

Ms. Harshwhinny: Hmph! Well, in three days time, Ms. Dash will accompany anypony competing to the Crystal Empire, where you will demonstrate your routines for me and the other judges, who will judge you...

I mean, what the hell, bitch?  Are you suddenly one of the Guardians of the Universe from Green Lantern or something?  I mean, there's a difference between keeping your emotions in check and just plain sustaining them to the point where you're stoic.  And believe me, Ms. Harshwhinny's definition of 'keeping emotions in check' is being stoic.

Remember in her debut episode "Games Ponies Play" where despite all the roughness and dumb luck she suffered she still granted the Crystal Empire the rights to sponsor the Equestria Games with a smile?

She was somewhat caring.  She was understanding of what Rainbow Dash was trying to accomplish!  She was dignified and decent as a character for crying out loud!

Now here, she's acting like professionalism sucks out all the joy in your life and makes it that much harder to live it!  And these are kids she's dealing with for crying out loud!  Does she have no mercy?!

What have they done to you, Ms. Harshwhinny?!  FUCK YOU, BITCH!

And you know what's ironic?  At the very end of this episode, Ms. Harshwhinny and Rainbow Dash act completely backwards!

*sigh* People, there's a fine line between demonstrating professional manners and just being emotionless and stoic.  And last I checked, Rainbow Dash wasn't exactly acting childish.  She was totally excited for these Equestria Games and if you have a way of expressing yourself, let it out.  It's okay to cut loose a little, especially if things fall into place for you and you can still be professional by doing what's called taking your work seriously.  And if it pays off, show that it matters!  Smile like Pinkie Pie for the love of God!  And I know Ms. Harshwhinny probably had some good intentions to prep up these kid ponies in order for them to perform in front of all of Equestria.  But lady, at least try to be a little more encouraging, like Rainbow Dash when she coaches.

Now that I got that bashing out of my system...  No wait, scratch that.  I'm gonna be bashing this episode from start to finish.  So let's get this over with.  "Flight to the Finish".

So we start at Ponyville's schoolhouse where the teacher Cheerilee makes a speaking cameo to introduce Ms. Harshwhinny and the subject of performing the flag-carrying routine in the Equestria Games.  Apparently, all the school kids are competing to see who will be granted the right to wave the Ponyville team flag at the games once they actually get started in about 19 episodes from now.

So the school kids get into teams and the Cutie Mark Crusaders of course form a trio and they sing about their resolve.  That's right, bronies.  After four episodes of no musical numbers...

...we're introduced to the first song of Season 4, sung by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  And believe it or not, Scootaloo is finally singing properly.

You know, it's a good song and all that, the highlight being that Scootaloo can finally sing well instead of being off-key back in Season 1, but I just can't see how the song became so popular.  I mean, it's not that different from a song you'd hear in a marching band, cause it's got that rhythm and beat that just... makes it sound like it could be performed in a marching band.

But anyways, after that uplifting song, guess who butts in to ruin the happy little moment?  That's right.  Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.  Those two cunts.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: Blank flanks, blank flanks, blank flanks!

*sigh* Isn't this just getting old by now?  Well, what does that matter?  Both these two evil little bitches think that simply because the Cutie Mark Crusaders don't have cutie marks that they would be a disgrace to represent the Ponyville team.  And of course, this is the numero uno reason the rich snooty bullies continue to pick on them and them especially.  Just lovely, isn't it?

So, throwing that aside, the Cutie Mark Crusaders prepare to show their moves to Rainbow Dash the very next day.  And who should be lurking in the shadows?  But those two cunts again, who apparently expect them to mess up just because they are the Cutie Mark Crusaders and think they can't do jack shit.

Diamond Tiara: Let's watch the Cutie Mark "Goof-saders" do their saddle routine.

Silver Spoon: They're gonna be a hot mess!

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: [giggling]

Now each group was told specifically by Ms. Harshwhinny to not only be creative, but to come up with a routine that they think represents Ponyville best.  And the Cutie Mark Crusaders bring down the house with their showbiz, leaving Rainbow awestruck.  But unfortunately, to maintain her 'professionalism', she says...

Rainbow Dash: Overall, it was okay.

What the fuck, Rainbow?!  It's not like Ms. Harshwhinny was watching you or anything.  Why'd you have to contain yourself like that?!  You couldn't even say 'Great job'?!?!

Fuck you, Ms. Harshwhinny!

And if that's not bad enough, we have Sharpay and Ryan plotting behind the scenes to crush their spirits.  You know, oddly enough, we never get to see their routine, so we don't know why when they usually have so much pride in themselves that they think they can be outdone.  Then again, who cares about their routine.  Maybe it's just...

Diamond Tiara: Then we need to find a new way to get under their skin.

Diamond Tiara: Or maybe... get under their wings.

Oh yeah, I see where this is going.

 Diamond Tiara: Girls, we just wanted to say your act is quite impressive!

Sweetie Belle: Wait... What?

Apple Bloom: Um... Thanks?

Diamond Tiara: Isn't it obvious? It is to us. In fact, it's obvious to everypony. You're showing all three types of Ponyville ponies, yet you have a Pegasus pony...

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: ...who can't even fly!

*sigh* Ladies and gentlemen, if you still happen to love Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, then I'm gonna go way out on a limb here and call you just as fucking evil as these two fucking cunts!

Fuck you, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon fans!  Do you have ANY idea what they're doing now?  They've changed tactics!  Not only are they still picking on the Cutie Mark Crusaders especially due to their lack of cutie marks, but now they go to show that they poke fun at those with disabilities.  I am of course referring to Scootaloo, seeing as that's how Lauren Faust originally had her portrayed to be.  Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have just insulted and horribly degraded someone who's disabled.

So as you can imagine, Scootaloo is totally crushed and resolves to change their routine by learning how to fly in just three days.  That's quite a leap, isn't it?  But as you might have guessed, this obviously doesn't go well and eventually Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle decide to chuck her off their team and go through with their routine without her.  And when Rainbow finds out when they're on board the train, she gets upset with them.

Rainbow Dash: Are you nuts?! You're a team, and a team never leaves a friend behind!

Hm...  Okay, now let's remember those exact words Rainbow just said because this belief of hers will later prove to be her saving grace five episodes later.  Trust me.

So Rainbow stops the train and forces Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to haul their butts back to Ponyville-

Diamond Tiara: Sorry you can't make it! We'll take a picture for you from the winner's circle!

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: [laughing, under]

Sweetie Belle: I do not like them one bit.

Back with Scootaloo in her room...  Yes, this episode reveals that she has a house, so take that, all you fucking Scootabuse orphan lovers!

So she starts throwing away all her possessions, including her scooter (by the way, don't ask how she got it back since losing it in "Sleepless in Ponyville") and plans to live in solitude for the rest of her life until Rainbow arrives and gives her a pep talk.  Eventually, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle start up a reprise of their happy little marching song from before and Scootaloo comes to her senses.

So they go through with their original routine and wouldn't you know it?  They win the competition!

You know, it's kind of funny how in previous episodes it felt easy to predict the exact opposite of what one would think would happen because it's too obvious, but in this episode, it just doesn't feel like that at all, does it?

So Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon leave in a huff.  Okay, I'm gonna nail them one more time just because.

And are you ready for some sheer irony?  Not only does Rainbow Dash downplay her compliments, but Ms. Harshwhinny totally cuts loose!

And Rainbow has to remind her to keep her act together in a 'professional' manner!

This isn't humor!  This is irony with a capital "i"!  When Ms. Harshwhinny finally shows that she too can let her mane down, of all the ponies to tell her to pull herself together, it's fucking Rainbow Dash!!  She's supposed to be the self-proclaimed most awesome pony in Ponyville, winner of the Young Fliers' Competition, harbinger of the Sonic Rainboom, Wonderbolts Academy graduate, bragging rights all around, and she let Ms. Harshwhinny rub off on her!!

I got some seriously bad news for you people.  Not only is this episode vomit-inducing, but it was written by Ed Valentine as his first episode of the series.  And let me tell you.  Not only do I personally think that he dropped the ball, but he dropped the ball so badly that it fell right out of the sack!  Yes, the episode was THAT bad.  It's one of the worst episodes in the entire series ever written!  There's Ms. Harshwhinny taking her job far too seriously like Agent P from Phineas and Ferb, and worse, there are fucking racial remarks!

Fuck you, Ed Valentine, for writing this piece of garbage!  It's a shame too.  You're probably a talented writer.  But this was such a dumb episode to write a script for!  What a waste!  Seriously, who keeps directing these kinds of episodes?!  Don Bluth?!  Why don't these staff members just remove those two rich bullies from the series already?!  God fucking dammit!

Don't people remember the story of Michael Morones?!  Okay, so maybe the incident happened sometime after this episode first aired, but get this.  Michael was bullied and driven to suicide just for liking this series and the pony characters in it.  Yes, the 11-year-old literally tried to take his own life!  And as a result of the sad aftermath that followed, this kid is never gonna be the same ever again for the rest of his life.  You can rest assured he's gonna be scarred during his teen years and maybe even beyond.  After everything Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have done to those Cutie Mark Crusaders, and especially Scootaloo, I'm surprised they haven't tried to commit suicide from all that they've been through!  Hell, I once thought of suicide myself!  Seriously, writers!  This isn't funny!  This running gag has been going on for far too long and it's got to stop!  The Cutie Mark Crusaders don't deserve to be on the receiving end of the Butt Monkey trope and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have both proven to be heartless cunts!  It's like the only viewers who would have crazy minds to actually like these episodes are just mindless bronies who only want to see more pony, regardless of plots.  Oh, right, that does seem to be the case, now does it?!

*sigh*  Well... since the next episode was written by three writers, it had better be good.

Oh... crap.